


my heart's a secret

by danceanthems



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: F/M, despite the summary it really is fluffy i promise, post-rain kiss fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 10:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceanthems/pseuds/danceanthems
Summary: eleonora sava is freaking out.(the morning after 3x04.)





	my heart's a secret

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this over the course of one three-hour flight, so forgive any mistakes. it was written in the notes app of my phone, hence the lapslock. title is from 'now that i found you' by queen carly rae jepsen, which i listened to for 50% of said flight.

eleonora sava is freaking out.  
  
last night it had seemed like the most natural thing in the world for her to go home with him. to put on the streched out t-shirt and boxers he’d offered. to climb under his covers, to let him press her into his mattress, to kiss him until they were both breathless.  
  
today, in the light of day, with his sheets tangled in her legs and sun streaming into his window and warming her cheek, everything seems like… a lot. ele can feel his presence next to her, her nose brushing his arm, or maybe his chest, and she can’t even remember if yesterday she had bothered to shave her legs above the knee. she isn’t wearing a bra. her breath is probably awful. and she can’t stop thinking that only a week ago she’d been in the same exact position, but with a pillow barrier and an absolute insistence that he was nothing to her.  
  
well, she’d been pretty insistent on that last night, too, and yet—  
  
she feels him shift next to her and squints open one eye, only to find him looking back, lips quirked in a half-smile. “good morning,” he says, his voice a little rough with sleep. ele suppresses a shiver.  
  
“watching me sleep?” she says lightly, stretching an arm up and rubbing one eye with the back of her hand.  
  
he huffs a small laugh. “maybe.” his hand reaches out, hesitating only briefly before brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes.  
  
“creep,” ele says quietly, in english. he laughs and hums a bit.  
  
“did you sleep okay?”  
  
ele shuts her eyes and nods. his hand is still moving in her hair.  
  
“do you need anything? water? coffee?”  
  
she shakes her head. his hand stills. when she opens her eyes, his gaze is pointed.  
  
“you’re freaking out.”  
  
ele huffs. “i’m _not_ ,” she mumbles, bringing both hands up to rub at her face. she can feel the remnants of the mascara the rain hadn’t taken care of crumbled on her cheeks. edoardo makes a small noise of disbelief and then his hand is on hers, tangling their fingers together loosely. _hey_ , he says softly, like he had the night before. he’s looking at her the same way, too, soft.  
  
“okay, maybe a little,” ele whispers.  
  
“tell me why?” edoardo asks, squeezing her hand. he has a birth mark on his neck, she notices as she avoids his gaze. she wonders if last night she kissed it. she wonders if there’s a single inch of her skin above her shoulders that he hadn’t pressed his lips to last night.  
  
ele takes a deep breath and tries to fight the urge to say something sarcastic, the urge to kiss him to avoid the conversation, to bolt and run barefoot into a world where nobody else’s gaze makes her feel so exposed. this is important, she thinks. even if she’s not good at talking about her own feelings, she can recognize that it’s important. so she rolls onto her side to face him and whispers, even though there’s nobody there to hear them, “it’s just… fast. a lot, very quickly. don’t you think?” _very eloquent, eleonora_ , she thinks, annoyed at herself.  
  
but he just smiles at her, small but there. one of his feet reaches out and touches hers. “not for me,” he whispers, and ele pouts. he laughs. “i just mean, i’ve wanted this longer than you, ele. i’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea.”  
  
ele quirks an eyebrow. “wanted what, exactly?” she teases. he laughs again and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her half onto his chest.  
  
“wanted you to tell me you hate me, then run after me in the rain after realizing your mistake and kiss me like—”  
  
the rest is lost in a laugh as ele flushes and smacks him on the arm. edoardo leans up and presses his smile to her cheek, her jaw, then kisses her for real. ele sighs into his mouth, taking in the sensation of his curls on her forehead, the pads of his fingers skimming over the skin under her shirt ( _his_ shirt), his mouth open and hot against hers. suddenly her feelings, unacknowledged since he slid her a cookie tin across a dock and snuck glances at her in his kitchen and touched her hand in a school hallway, feel like they’re exposed, breaking the surface, pressing up and out of her skin.  
  
she kisses him on the mouth, behind his ear, on the spot on his neck, and imagines her feelings as one of her plants after she asked filo to watch it while she was in london, ignored and untended to for so long, shrivelled and small. the way he hums against her mouth as they kiss, chaste and soft, is water in the soil, deep and sinking into her roots. his smile as he pulls back and once again attempts to straighten her rain-crazy hair is the sun, and she leans towards it, basking in it, pressing her face as close into his neck as she can and breathing. she’s afraid that, given enough attention, this could grow out of control, obscuring all else, its tendrils caging her in. but she’s afraid of leaving it, too, of giving up before seeing what could grow.  
  
“edoardo incanti, i don’t like you,” he whispers into her hair, laughing. “not even a little bit—”  
  
ele, bright red, shoves his chest and makes to roll out of his arms, off the bed. he pulls her back, laughing, saying, “ele, ele, eleonora—,” hugging her from behind so his chest is pressed to her back, his lips on her cheek. ele wonders if she should feel small, handled. instead, as he rolls over her so his knees are on either side of her hips and hands on either side of her face, she feels smothered, but in a good way. warm, wrapped up in him.  
  
he’s grinning down at her, his real smile, not his bullshit charmer smile. the smile from the dock, the first thing that made her stomach drop and her heart whisper _oh, no_. “i like your smile, edoardo incanti,” she says, using one thumb to trace it. his eyes go soft and she remembers his face last night, when she’d lied. she takes a deep breath and adds, “maybe i like you, a little bit, too.”  
  
she leans up and kisses him. it’s not a lot, to say _maybe i like you_. but it’s too soon to tell him that she’d pushed his hands away at school because his skin on hers makes her feel like she has a secret, like she wanted to memorize the feeling and think about it later, alone in the dark. it’s too soon to ask if he’d noticed her tears when he sang to her, and too soon to say that she’s still scared he’ll be doing this with another girl in a month, two months, while ele tends to her garden and her heartbreak alone.  
  
“can we go slow,” she says, as he kisses down her neck. his hand is on her thigh, just under the hem of the boxers he gave her. if she forgot to shave her legs, he hasn’t said anything.  
  
he rests his cheek on her shoulder and blinks up at her. his cheeks are pink. _i’m so fucked_ , ele thinks. “slow?”  
  
“i can’t sleep in your bed, in your clothes, every night. i can’t… i’ve never—” had a boyfriend. felt this way, like standing on the edge of a cliff with a gorgeous expanse of warm water below, still scared of the fall. wanted so badly to take something for herself, in spite of the reasons she shouldn’t. she doesn’t say any of those things. just looses her fingers through his curls and hopes, maybe, that he understands.  
  
“we can do whatever you want,” edoardo says, and she believes him. “but ele, i want… don’t push me away again.” he’s looking up at her, wide-eyed and genuine. “if it’s too much, just tell me.”  
  
there’s lots of things ele won’t tell him right now. but, she thinks, that’s not what he means. so she smiles and nods. and he smiles back.  
  
“we have time,” he says, kissing her shoulder, her jaw, the corner of her lips. ele kisses his nose, and he laughs. he bites the tip of hers, gently, playful.  
  
“i want my pillow barrier back,” ele complains, rubbing her nose. he kisses it, soothing.  
  
“we can go slow, but no more pillow walls, sava.”  
  
“what about brushing our teeth?” she murmurs hopefully and edoardo sighs dramatically, rolling off of her and helping her out of bed, pulling on her hands.  
  
in his bathroom, she puts toothpaste on her finger and does her best to brush her teeth, since he doesn’t have an extra toothbrush. he watches her in the mirror while he brushes her own, and she thinks of his gaze on her, dancing, at the party last night. this time, she lets herself watch him back. _you can have this_ , ele tells herself as she steals some of his cleanser and washes her face, finally, of the makeup the rain left last night. _you’re not wrong for wanting it._  
  
after, she lets him lift her onto the sink, her legs dangling on either side of his hips, one of his hands braced on the mirror behind her. he kisses her like he had last night, over and over again, other hand on her jaw. they both taste like toothpaste. the feelings in her chest bloom and grow outward, to her wrists, her fingertips, her toes pressed into his leg. she wants to do this every morning, despite what she just said. she wants a lot of things. some little: his hand on her leg while he drives them to the dock again; to show him her garden; to make fun of his skincare routine; to find out his favorite book. some are bigger. his body on hers, to ask when he started to really like her and why, maybe to introduce him to her mom.  
  
he pulls back, his lips red and shiny, eyes a little dazed, and smiles at her. he looks younger, close enough to touch. “tea?” he asks. she nods.  
  
those things can wait. they have time. right now, she just wants lemon tea and his eyes on her.


End file.
